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Creating healthy boundaries

February 8, 2018

Do you push your “working time” further out? Do you answer emails, work on documents that need finishing, make plans, etc. after dinner time?

 


What effect does it have on you?

 

Well, I know what effect it has on me. I get more restless instead of being satisfied with the things that I get done. Even worse: If I don’t sleep enough, work too much or spend endless hours online, I start losing connection to my loved ones and myself.

How are you? Are you restless, perhaps irritated and off balance and find no peace in yourself? When you find yourself alone, you find it hard to enjoy the moments of solitude? And if you are with people, you feel like the void is being filled, but leaves you yearning for more?

The key to peace lies in setting strong boundaries.

 

“Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures.” – Edwin Louis Cole

 

The challenge is that the radio station NST (non-stop-thinking) is on and that many voices are constantly chattering in your head. They talk endlessly about you doing this or that. That you are supposed to do more of this and less of that. Often they contradict themselves, even within the same sentence. And we don’t even notice because we are so busy. The voices talk about other people not doing the right things. Or that world is in a bad state and that nothing you do can change it.

 

The opening to the key is to tune out of the voices and tune into what you feel. What is your body telling you? Are your shoulders tense? Have you got a funny feeling in your stomach ? Are your thoughts racing?

 

The turning of key is to be with yourself and your emotions. What opens the door is the practice of self care, even in difficult times. The beauty of that is it always has a mirror effect. If you take care of yourself, you can care for others: your children, your friends, your family.
So how do we learn that precious self care? It starts with compassion for yourself. Kirstin Neff, self compassion researcher, gives a great example of self compassion: whenever you have a hard day, talk to yourself like you would to a good friend who is having a hard time. Say to yourself “poor darling, I know this is so difficult for you” and soothe yourself. Instead, how often does it happen that you beat yourself up when you make a mistake? You would probably never talk that unkind to other people as you do to yourself.

So here the 6 steps to more self-compassion (and ultimately confidence):
1. Find out who talks unkind in you.
2. Learn to differentiate “inner critiques”
3. Pay attention in what situation the “inner critiques” are speaking up and listen to the 2% truth
4. Acknowledge their 2% truth and then give them permission to leave.
5. Discover your inner leader/ higher self
6. Consciously tune into the voice of your inner leader / higher self”.

The results are healthy boundaries that protect you and your loved ones.

If you would like to find out more about how to tune into self compassion and confidence, I would love to be in touch.

 

 

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