Coaching for peace

Peace making is a process

When I started coaching for peace, I asked myself the question: What have skillful peacemaker have in common?

What I found is that it is not their unique personality or style. The common denominator is their ability to create a space in which empowered relationships are built. Empowered relationships evoke trust. Trust and empowered relationships are the foundation of a true peacemaking process, which is outlined in 3 powerful steps:

1. Awareness of own thoughts, emotions and believes about the other

2. Mutual empathy

3. Negotiation

Each one of these steps encompasses a world of its own and seemingly impossible when looking from the outside at two or more adversary parties.

The (brief) anatomy of conflict

The path to conflict and its escalation is deeply rooted in our subconscious and generated by one mechanism: unsafe attachment in childhood and trauma. For those of you who feel like this is not addressed to them, please keep on reading.

How many people do you know that are seeking for approval and acceptance from others?

Or better said, do you know anyone who does not?

Even Putin needs to demonstrate to the world how powerful and domineering Russia (aka himself) is. He does not do this because he is content and happy inside. He does this out of a deeply rooted inferiority-superiority complex.

This is the core. I use the words trauma – unsafe attachmentdysfunctional family systemcodependence interchangeable, because to me they are the root cause for conflict in the world. The conflict starts within us. We are not seen and heard for who we are. We are not loved and appreciated for who we are. So we enter this rat race of proving to the world that we are worthy. We do anything to be seen for who we are.

That might range from pleasing, avoiding to controlling and aggressively showing that we have a place in this world. We carry the conflict in our families, to our work place and into the world. All of this escalates to violent conflicts and war that can shake the foundation of our world.

But I would not be peacemaker if I would stop here and see only the root cause and the challenges that arise.

The beginning of peace

Peace is possible because we have seen over and over that it is possible for people to change (and heal) when the pain becomes unbearable. In peace making jargon this is called “ripe”. If the violent conflict has gone on long enough, the pain of violent conflict becomes insufferable and we are ready for change.

Peace making starts with awareness. And this is where coaching for peace starts.

 

Trauma relief Nepal

 

Trauma relief refugees

 

Vision board of coaching for peace.


Flame of peace that burns in all of us.